25 | Piano Cover: Faded by Alan Walker

Starting this entry with the last sentence of my last post.

"25 is definitely a big deal."

I must say reality is harsh. I was such a dreamer back then. Although no, I have no ambition like becoming someone big in the future, but I also never thought that I'd be like who I am today (haha no it isn't that bad as it sounds, my life). You must think what happened to me. But really what happened was just, I expected more from myself.

***

I was fearless. I was full of hope. I was passionate. I was almost always positive. I was such optimistic person I thought I'd survive in any given situation. In this process we called growing up I guess I somehow let loose of some principles I always held dear. Any old friend of mine would have known me this way, I always said,

"Don't worry be happy."
"What it meant to be, it will be."

The older I get, those are the harder to believe.

"It's okay, look at the bright side," I tell myself.
"Nah you will see. You know it ain't that simple," another voice in my head chimes in, almost every damn time.

***


I've been staying in my comfort zone for far too long. Longer than I'd expected, than anybody has had. I find the irony of what I've been looking, 'to be happy'. It used to be something I always aspired to. But somehow at this age, to be happy doesn't seem enough of a goal any more. Does it?

I guess putting everything on hold to achieve that one thing, actually means that you are miserable along the way to getting there. And when you finally get there, you might find that the thing you always wanted doesn't make you as happy as you thought it would. Now it may sound cliché, but it becomes apparent that happiness shouldn't be a destination but a part of the journey of our lives. We all know that but who actually really gives a darn about the journey. Well at least I didn't, shame to say.

Life is hard and we are all struggling in our own ways.

On the surface everybody is living a darn good life, who knows what would you see when you scratch the surface. The older I get and the more people I meet (well not as many as I'm #猫在noc的女孩, wtf so long never used this hashtag), the less I think I know. In the end of the day, you only know as much as people want you to know.



***

Feeling especially emotional when I looked back old photos and words I wrote or shared. Glad that I have this blog to remind myself who I was, or should I say who I really am? I know I can never have that same naive but genuine feelings to myself ever again. I know I can't simply pen down my feelings and thoughts anymore. I don't care being judged or whatsoever, I always don't. It's just something has changed, I don't know. Is that how becoming an adult turn you into?

When I was young and innocent back then, I always thought I had not just a perfect day but a perfect, smooth sailing life. Because it's too perfect you see, something was bound to go wrong. Now, "this" is not wrong, but it's not my way either.

*Pianosheet (Eb minor original key)* credit goes to Joyce Leong

Seeing the bigger picture, I still like to think myself as a happy human being though, despite what I've just written. No doubt I'm that good at transitioning my mood. I just don't like the idea of being unhappy myself, let alone being unappreciative (I hope I don't sound like one mygod).

I used to believe I have kinda like bipolar symptoms anyway hahaha. Well personally a bit unhappy that my saving for past few months has almost been a flat line wtf but overall I'm still happy.

Time for some freedom off all shit.

***


I'm reading this book, still on-going. This sentence I read hit me hard.

"Because you have to be a certain age to earn the right to ruin your own life." - Nineteen Minutes, Jodi Picoult

It may sound too harsh for me to put myself in that situation.

But sometimes, you don't need an explanation.


love,
Ee

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else —The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So…

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

‘Take care of the golf balls first —
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled
‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
There’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

♥




Found an interesting piece from Tumblr, and it has a very reason to get over 100k reblogged and liked. Read it, and go through it. I haven't really read something so meaningful in a while.


xoxo
Ee

Things That Make Me Happy

#1 Cute Babies

#2 Books/ Book Fairs/ Bookstores 

#3 Silly Smileys/Laughter

#4 Awesome Websites (I found one today: www.ohiseered.com)

#5 Really Tall or Cute Guys/ really Pretty or Elegant Girls (eg: Yoseob and IU)

#6 Adorable Couples (Especially old couples)

#7 Cute/Beautiful Cakes or Cookies (Awwww Snoopy and Woodstock!!!!)

#8 Cute wooden Stamps

#9 Rainbow/ Sunset/ Starry Night

#10 Ancient/ Old Buildings 

#11 Soft Sand

#12 Handwritten letters/ notes/ cards (Picture got its meaning)

and the list goes down.....on and on....

When you really sit down and think of the things that could make you happy, you'll be amazed that you can actually be a happy cheerful positive person easily!!

Sometimes, what you need to do is to add a dose of happiness into your simple life (some rather a boring life) by a simple act or thought. Just that easy. 

Smile to your life!

Love,

Ee

Horrifying Chain Car Accident

I had a very hard time since Wednesday. I knew a sadden horrifying truth, about an accident happened to my parents, which occurred on Monday actually. My family kept everything from me just for sake of my assignment stuff, they scared I'd run back home at the minute I know it. It's true though, when my dad told me the matter, I cried like hell, which apparently they had already predicted I would.

I felt so damn heavy afterwards because I was struggling whether to come back home or not. FYI, I got an assignment presentation on Friday, which the stupid damn lecturer hadn't posted anything regarding the details of the presentation earlier, not even the time and venue. What frustrated me the most? He then finally posted it in MMLS at 2am something on Friday!! So he expects everyone of us staying up so hell late like him and checking MMLS every minute. What an effing brilliant lecturer!

Anyways, I'm home. I can finally look at my mom, making sure everything's alright. I don't know how to describe her condition now. She's okay, and she's not. Been hospitalizing in KPJ Johor Specialist since the accident occurred, even doctor said it can't help much even if she keeps staying in hospital so she got discharged today. Looking at her pale face, my heart aches; when she says she has no appetite to eat, my heart aches; listening to her saying she's okay, my heart aches; looking at her taking pillsssss and painkillers, my heart aches......

I felt so glad and fortunate that my dad's still strong, though there are bruises on his arms, his legs, even his stomach, but still, my dad is still a superman!! Been going back and forth between hospital, police station and home over these few days. Besides mommy, he's indeed the one who needs more rest now.

pic stolen from my sis's blog.

So that was a chain car accident. My parents' car was the one on the left, from wira became kancil. So basically, the car is now scrapped. Fortunately, my parents are fine. I mean, from this photo you can relate to so many bad things that might be happened. I should thank God, no one is taken from this accident.

This is so terrible!! So damn horrifying!! Even until now, I still don't know what happened to the van driver who caused all these happened! 5cars involved, you might not care about your own life, but please don't take others' as granted!

Perhaps everyone can put the bad luck behind, and move on in life.

Appreciate the ones you love, and who love you back in return.

Ee

Own-self Day | Life

and today is a random weekday, I have no class until 5pm, meaning that I got my OWN spare time to do my OWN things and figure out my OWN thoughts. Today is meant to be an own-self day.

Thinking quite a lot recently, maybe I have no better things to do. I thought of everything that happened, or might possibly happen to me last night. I didn't intend to, I was actually laying on my bed, covering blanket and there my mind slowly floating away.

People can't stop judging each other, comparing among themselves. Who's smarter, who's prettier, who's taller, who's skinnier.

Somebody are good at making people feel bad about themselves, trying to bring you down. But some of them are trying so hard to make things up, to make you feel alive again.

Sometimes, some people, I'd ask how you are, but I don't really care. This sounds offensive, but it's true.

Sometimes people ask 'are you okay?', they are just curious. Your 'I'm okay' is just bullshit.

Sometimes you say 'thanks for your concern,' but your mind is like 'kindly fuck off'.

Not everyone can embrace different ways of thinking. Not everyone can be considerate.

Few people do care, many of them just curious.

They know your name, they don't know your story.

They've heard what you've done, but not what you've been through.

In life you have to look at things in so many different views. Take good care of your image, but not pretending it's perfect. You may fake your emotions, but never fake your true feelings. Any difference? For me, yes.

So many beautiful things I'd always believed, suddenly become the ugly evil truths.

I'm numb. This is life.

But what's the best part? Life is always unexpected. Life's beautiful still, that it can embrace every ugly truth. I hope I can at least uphold this point. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn.

I'm learning.........

Ee

AtThisVeryMoment

Show encrypted text

Announcement!!!!

I TRULY FREAKLY AMAZINGLY AM RELIEVED!!!!!

Officially Announce

I'M GONNA DATE WHOEVER

I'M GONNA UPDATE EVERY SINGLE POST I LEFT BEHIND

I'M GONNA SPEND MY TIME VIGOROUSLY

-WATCHING
DRAMA
MOVIE
ANIME

-READING
MARSHMALLOW FOR BREAKFAST
THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE
A LITTLE PRINCESS

-SHOPPING
SHOES
DRESS

CAFE EXPLORING

NIGHT DRIVING

etc etc

LALALA

This is a super short update, cause I'm gonna dinner with my friend. Okay he's Leslie, and yes I've mentioned your name!! LOL! People, your date is much welcomed!! I won't turn down any of my friends date! Well unless it's clashed with my family outing.

Gonna back to JB on coming Wednesday!! Dear all, if not mistaken you are preparing for your exam?? DAMN!! It clashed!!! Anyway, perhaps we could meet up for a gathering or so? I know Herng's Bday celebration is gonna be held soon. See you guys there??

Girls, look here!!Girls Talk needed!! It's been quite a long time since the last update I'm afraid. I'll arrange the time and 'll let you girls know afterward!! Please squeeze some slot for me!!!

*I felt something from the pic attached, and it goes quite well with what I thought*
*LOVE*


I'm single and I'm free

LOL



I love my life


and



I feel life



lotsa LOVE
SzEe3
❤

LALALA~~

Weeks ago i guess, ms Lau cooked me this

*slurp*

indeed, it tickles my taste buds by only looking at the pic...I couldn't get a proper meal until i back to jb. Pity me...

I'm not hungry now, but simply miss home cook soup weiii

Damn I have no mood to study now! No motivation at all. God, somebody help me pls!!

since tomorrow is english paper, i suppose I'm practicing my English by blogging my exam life out??? This sem's exam preparation is abit different if compared to the last 2 sems. Why?? Cause I'd spent my study week in JB!!!!

Damn happy sial~~~~I can simply drive here and there, drop by here and there to do my revision. People 'd ask me, 'why don't you study at home??'.

Simple, there is only one very reason: I couldn't even sit still at home, not to mention study! There are too many temptations, I'll lay on sofa and watch tv when I'm in living room, 'll sit in front of the desktop surfing net when I'm free, 'll chat and '8' with my family, 'll play piano if I'm in mood, 'll go kitchen and search anything 'can be eaten' in the refri and so so so on! I'm so dead, overjoyed in the mood of staying at home. So I simply couldn't stay at home and study.

Okay done explanation, lets see where I hung around during the luxurious time in JB.
*only for studying*

MCD!!!

Though it's a popular place for MMU students, but it isn't a favourite for JB students.
I forgot which particular day, I and my bff who is taking her form6 studies, went to MCD.

HOHOHO... That wasn't our day, cause MCD was floated with people!!! People watching Thomas Cup live. Haiiizzz... Gonna sigh whenever talking bout this, I'm so disappointed that Malaysia lose to China again!! Moreover watching LinDan's conceited face after he won the match. Gosh I had an urge to smash the tv. LOL

okay back to topic

I was amazed, because the notes she has. No way!!! It's way too MUCH!!!!

she's taking physics, same with me. But, oh god, I seriously pity u form6 guys. T.T

The bottom one is hers
Middle one is mine
The second top reference book is hers
the top one is mine- my novel
HAHAHA~
see that?? and that's not all!!!

the best companion in MCD!!

the other day

I'm so happy I've found *or explored* a great place to study, even for whole day long!!*but you have to be a bit cheeky laa* why??? Haha I'm gonna tell you the reason why

1. I arrived at 3pm. Yup here it is, VIVO

2. Ordered a high tea set *slurp*
ps:: the American cheese cake is rather good than the one in secret recipe!!

3. Love the lighting there, nice spot to camwore
btw, it's raining outside. God i was so in mood to study!!XDD

4. Before starting my revision
*I'm the only customer X.X*

5. Dada!! start doing revision! Physics notes duh!!!
okay, from now you can notice the cake and coffee, be eaten and drank bit by bit whilst the time passed by

6. Time to have a rest and take a bite

7. physics sucks! luckily I brought my applied math along
see the cake??HEHE

8. After half an hour i guess *still no one*

9. The rain stopped. The mist on the window

Did you notice the sky is getting dark??haha

10. It was about 7. As you can see, still no customer. I wondered how it survives from so many competitors. Maybe, that's also the reason, why I'd choose this place to study.

11. I'd done so many questions

*contented*

12. My hot coffee even became iced coffee. So can you imagine how long I stayed?

13. Paid the bill

I spent only 7 bucks but sat from 3pm to 8pm. LOL

14. and the feedback I gave
I did not dare to tick the last 2 column, the supervisor there 'd kill me i guess, 'spent only 7 bucks here for whole day long but the face thick enough to give lousy feedback!!' LOL

Overall, it's indeed a nice place to study. *well at least for me* I like everything there, from the food and cake served, customer service to the ambiance, lighting and even the music played

Last pic I took before I left

On the same day, after taking dinner with my friend, I went to MCD again! but this time only with my own company.

I spent lesser. only 5 bucks

Lalala~~~

continue with this

Haha I don't know how am i going to end this post, because it's all in a sudden urge! I have totally no mood to study after I finished the applied math paper on monday, not to mention the coming subject is the bored-till-dead English. And it's now 9pm, I'm gonna sit for the exam 12 hours later.


PS: everything in this post is a mess I know. The pic attached don't have my bloglink tagged like it used to be. But I simply wanna update something to make my blog alive. It's been quiet for a long time. Yes, it's pretty dead. Some more, I'm actually practicing my grammar by typing it out *DUN BLUFF!!!* Hahahahaha

PPS: ms Lau, I've done this post!! when's ur turn??XDD


For me, the greatest thing at this moment is to do what I shouldn't. Imma go bed and sleep. Perhaps I'll wake up at 3am. Wish me luck people!!

Good night everyone,
muackzz


lotsa LOVE,
SzEe3

Risk❤

Before and after editing
this is the photo which I took at A'Famosa


'u can only see the stars when it's dark enough'

i'm addicted to read those meaningful quotes
i can sit infront of my lappy and google for the quotes for hours
I don't know why am I still here blogging bullshitnonsense instead of going bed and have a nice sleep
GOD!! is this always the excuse i used to lied to myself?

Time to have a nice rest and start doing revision laa
*piak piak*
wake up! start heating up ur engine lo leesze!!
Else I wonder how are u going to save ur physics3 damn lousy result!!

To love is to risk not being loved in return
To hope is to risk pain
To try is to risk failure

but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing

with lotsa love,
SzEe3

Very Random

A title song from a Japanese cartoon movie- Spirited Away
*千与千寻*
Theme song- One Summer's Day

click here for the music score


It's been quite a long time since I last played this song,
viewing back the notes which I'd learnt when I was still young
there I realized
again

how the time flies


This song nvr failed to calm me down
I love the cello version of this song

After such a long time
it's now return back to my playlist, again
mainly because of getting influenced by my friend
he's addicted to this kind of songs
ohya, never mind it's work of Joe Hisaishi!!


Yea, time flies
it's time to start doing the revisions and all that
ironically, i'm going to watch 2 movies straight tomorrow with my classmates
Ironman2 and IPman2
I'm longing for this day for so long!!
and finally, it comes
muahahahahahha!!!


it's just a random yet short update
i know my blog is so freaking dead so damn silent
sorry, couldn't help
I've no time to update
there's tons of albums in my lappy
I wonder how am i going to replace every entry
i guess most probably i'd skip some of it
LOL
*wat a lazy+lousy blogger i am*


ohya!!
GOOD NEWS!
I think i'll be going back on coming weekend,
gonna celebrate MOTHERS' DAY with my deareset family!!!
I feel so excited whenever this decision pops up in my mind!!
gosh I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!
*i miss the japanese food also, I heard that my sis's going to bring us to Paragon Hotel for sushi!!LOL*


okay
my lovely roomie just came back from watching IPman2
she said it's worthy
god I'm so looking forward!!!!
PS: had a nice talk with her, I love girl talks lah!!!! I think it should become our monthly routine. Somehow I feel it's quite essential to keep us uptodate, to keep us closer and closer of course! XDD


>< style="font-style: italic;">
hmm should i say yesterday??


Cherish everything around me
I enjoy being me=)

*don't you feel that the pictures i uploaded in this post are just LOVELY??*



with lotsa L.O.V.E.
SzEe3

as always

'I've Got Your Back'

My life is getting better. This is what and how I conclude for my current few days since the very down period I'd experienced. I've not spoken out my feeling in my blog for quite a long time. I don't know since when, I'll open up myself to my friends. Maybe it's a good sign. For god sake, I'm over it. Although, there's still something left behind, which I apparently have to make a clarification, but somehow i knew, it's not the time.

Friends are the one who got me back to the normality. I mean, the normal life which I used to have. How optimistic I used to be; How I treated everything equally; The ignorance I showed whenever and whatever people talk or judge behind me. I don't know why, I just couldn't bear with the things I faced during those suffer days and weeks. For the very first time, I couldn't get over something on my own.

It's now doesn't even matter, because it's over. I'm glad to have those friends who supported me, who listened to my problems. Surprisingly, there's always people to look after me whenever I've got a problem, to take care of me, to concern bout me. I always think I'm the luckiest one, and I appreciate everything I have.

'Babe, I'm dealing with something big,'

'No worries, I've got your back'

Miss❤Love❤Heart

Looking at the photos which I took during the time in JB, all in a sudden, the missing thoughts float in my mind straight. I miss the time in JB, no worries, no burdens, at all!! Even if I faced something unbearable, I could get a warmth hug whenever I needed it, bff are always with me, family stand by me, etc etc.

I never experienced something like this before, I never knew it could be so torturing when it came to the time you have to make a decision. Getting stuck in a situation with no any solution, that's real suffering. For the very first time, I hate the personalities of me myself. For the first time, I wish I could be a tiny little bit heartless. For the first time, I can't get over something on my own. AND for the first time, I have my mood swing over 12 hours.

THESE THINGS RARELY HAPPENED!! Or you can read the message as 'these things never happened to me before'. I'd not allow myself being emo. I'd cheer myself up with my own way. But in this case, I just couldn't.

I miss everyone in JB... Truly I am.......

During 3rd sem midterm break...
Me and my sis went to Jusco only for sake of cakes
Unconsciously, I bought a blouse. There the $$ gone..T.T

Secret Recipi
Though it's not longer our favourite place...
but still, okay la...acceptable...XDD

During day 8 or 9 of CNY..
Food trip with my sis...Makan here and there..
the photo attached was taken from one out of the other placessss...
My crazy siblings...I heart them..

My dearest gang..I miss 'em...
I HATE MMU!!
because my holiday always clash with their school days

My sistas and buddies...

when's our next gathering..??

these photos were taken during CNY
it means months we never met each other...
I was busy preparing for exam and the camp last few weeks
so I couldn't help
how bout now??

Even earlier
January
the day we 3 became shopaholic

Taste Bug's
I went to this place all alone
guess why??

To visit my son...
To be frank, I'm real guilty because I seldom reply his texts..
Hmm..Even never replied!!
I think he must feels kind of disappointed in me...
Anyway, 'll try to meet you during my break next time
okay??

This was also quite a long time ago
we went playing badminton..

I miss the yumcha session!!!!
it was also a session to update myself...
SAD to say
I AM outdated of their current life..><

CNY day 4?
went chiong k with my babes..
due to the limited seats
I just called 2 of 'em...
thinking back, ehem...
miscalculated...sorry to my other babes....><

we went Axtivo for next session- update ourselves!!
since 3 of us don't stay in JB
there's lotsa things to 8..XDD
news from SG, from KL, from Malacca, from JB...

On the same day...
she likes to give me surprise
this girl has changed alot!!!
anyway, our fav topic 'd never change
boy boys and boyssss
our fav activity 'd never change as well
shopping till drop and searching for lengzai
HAHAHAHA
*miss u girl*

CNY, forgot which particular day
My first time driving to Desa Tebrau!!
fetched my sis and her friend, also my.....

Di.. whom I mentioned before, the little boy.
Time flies, he looks like a grown up now...HAHAHA
rare chance for us, to meet together...*heart*

Not long ago...
met up with this fella for breakfast
countless topics for us
that day, we'd done something crazy!! Thinking back, I'm wondering how dare I was!!!
Met with someone so special to me
happy?? I guess so..
after that went to my formal school to fetch my sis
bought the ice cream
it makes me yearning of the years....

I miss the hug
I miss the warmth
I miss the love and care


I love my family
I love my babes
I love my buddies



I heart the moment we spent
I heart the laughter and tears
I heart the same memories we had




I miss u
I love u
I heart u


As what I promised to you all, I'm SzEe3
Forever and always