Midnight Diary V, SzeEe's

I was told that I'm a really, really weird girl. True story from someone who understands me more than myself. He said, 'You have a lot of you(s) in you,' confused? 'like so darn many different kinds of you living under your girl's outfit.' 

Now, get that? 

I was against it at the first time, I'm just a normal girl who wishes to live her life ups her desires. Until that one day we made a call and talked through phone like 3 hours.


Then I realized I really am odd.


Being over-protective of my own feelings and thoughts distances myself from people. It's not saying that I isolate myself from the world, I can be friends with almost everyone. I never really fake my emotions, but I also never really show them all. There's always a hidden part of me where nobody gets to know. You thought you know me well, actually you don't. This kind of thing.

get the right key, open the right door;)

I'm leeszesze or Erer at home who always gets jealous
(I always act spoiled)

I'm that siaokia Ee when I'm with my highschool best friends
(literally, I'm a crazy yet lovely friend LOL)

I'm close-to-guy leesze or 'datou' when I'm with Engin.Gang
(they treated me like a buddy)

I'm 'jellyfish' or 'leeshuishui' when I'm with CLS gang
(the legendary shuimu in CLS dammit- -)

I'm a random ordinary girl in the campus
(yea, very random)

I'm a blogger now in my own space
(need to say more?)


When I play, I play crazier. When I'm serious, I pay more attentions than anyone. When I'm pissed, you don't wanna mess with me. That's me. Even my family, can't see the whole of me.

You may know my hobbies, my biases, my favorite books and movies, but you can never judge who I am from what I like and love. It's like I love Amanda Seyfried but I will never be a lesbian. HAHAHA am I being ridiculous?




So yea, I know everybody has their own unique characters when dealing with different kind of people. So do I, just that I have yet to figure out the rest of me. Too many characters kept unseen I somewhat feel like I'm a mystery.

Maybe there's always that hidden feeling made me thought that everyone is a mystery too, then I used to look into your eyes when I'm talking to you. For me, it's kinda sincerity, also a way to find out the rest of you.

ohhhhhhh now I know why I don't like SMS, because from SMS I can't look into your eyes and can't tell what you really mean. I see.............. now I know.


I'm a boy most of the time, but there's still a little girl living inside.
I'm a happy-go-lucky kind, but I will experience downs sometimes.
I'm quite an extreme type, either craziest, or the quietest. Strictest, or the loosest.
I'm ......



Afterwords

This post is inspired by a book I'm now reading, called 'The Cupid Effect' talking about a lady in her late-twenties followed her heart's desire to become a psychology lecturer at a totally different place than she used to. All she seems to do is inspire the new people she meets to change their lives.

Only a few chapters I reached but it makes me wondered, is there anyone who comes into contact with you is ever the same again? Because people give and take from each other. Are you making any changes of your friends? Maybe you do, but you never know.

I wasn't the weird girl I mentioned above, not until I graduated from highschool. There's always people who changed you. Every change of you is a gift, accept that and try to figure out how much you have changed.

This is what I do now.


Soul searching..........



dammit it's close to 3o'clock in the morning. I've been keeping my typing pose for like an hour, the girls' biggest nightmare is menstrual cramp!! Feel like dying. How much I wish I were a boy so that I don't have to go through this hell pain experience :'(




wordy post indeed. I'm done I know I can't sleep well tonight. 


wish you a good night/day

love,
Ee