Midnight Diary V, SzeEe's

I was told that I'm a really, really weird girl. True story from someone who understands me more than myself. He said, 'You have a lot of you(s) in you,' confused? 'like so darn many different kinds of you living under your girl's outfit.' 

Now, get that? 

I was against it at the first time, I'm just a normal girl who wishes to live her life ups her desires. Until that one day we made a call and talked through phone like 3 hours.


Then I realized I really am odd.


Being over-protective of my own feelings and thoughts distances myself from people. It's not saying that I isolate myself from the world, I can be friends with almost everyone. I never really fake my emotions, but I also never really show them all. There's always a hidden part of me where nobody gets to know. You thought you know me well, actually you don't. This kind of thing.

get the right key, open the right door;)

I'm leeszesze or Erer at home who always gets jealous
(I always act spoiled)

I'm that siaokia Ee when I'm with my highschool best friends
(literally, I'm a crazy yet lovely friend LOL)

I'm close-to-guy leesze or 'datou' when I'm with Engin.Gang
(they treated me like a buddy)

I'm 'jellyfish' or 'leeshuishui' when I'm with CLS gang
(the legendary shuimu in CLS dammit- -)

I'm a random ordinary girl in the campus
(yea, very random)

I'm a blogger now in my own space
(need to say more?)


When I play, I play crazier. When I'm serious, I pay more attentions than anyone. When I'm pissed, you don't wanna mess with me. That's me. Even my family, can't see the whole of me.

You may know my hobbies, my biases, my favorite books and movies, but you can never judge who I am from what I like and love. It's like I love Amanda Seyfried but I will never be a lesbian. HAHAHA am I being ridiculous?




So yea, I know everybody has their own unique characters when dealing with different kind of people. So do I, just that I have yet to figure out the rest of me. Too many characters kept unseen I somewhat feel like I'm a mystery.

Maybe there's always that hidden feeling made me thought that everyone is a mystery too, then I used to look into your eyes when I'm talking to you. For me, it's kinda sincerity, also a way to find out the rest of you.

ohhhhhhh now I know why I don't like SMS, because from SMS I can't look into your eyes and can't tell what you really mean. I see.............. now I know.


I'm a boy most of the time, but there's still a little girl living inside.
I'm a happy-go-lucky kind, but I will experience downs sometimes.
I'm quite an extreme type, either craziest, or the quietest. Strictest, or the loosest.
I'm ......



Afterwords

This post is inspired by a book I'm now reading, called 'The Cupid Effect' talking about a lady in her late-twenties followed her heart's desire to become a psychology lecturer at a totally different place than she used to. All she seems to do is inspire the new people she meets to change their lives.

Only a few chapters I reached but it makes me wondered, is there anyone who comes into contact with you is ever the same again? Because people give and take from each other. Are you making any changes of your friends? Maybe you do, but you never know.

I wasn't the weird girl I mentioned above, not until I graduated from highschool. There's always people who changed you. Every change of you is a gift, accept that and try to figure out how much you have changed.

This is what I do now.


Soul searching..........



dammit it's close to 3o'clock in the morning. I've been keeping my typing pose for like an hour, the girls' biggest nightmare is menstrual cramp!! Feel like dying. How much I wish I were a boy so that I don't have to go through this hell pain experience :'(




wordy post indeed. I'm done I know I can't sleep well tonight. 


wish you a good night/day

love,
Ee

Random | Highlight of the Week

Kinda a huge contrast as compared to my past weekdays (zzZ), I had a blast on my weekend (both Saturday and Sunday) and was MAX occupied with a lot of awesome people- old friends and new friends!

P/S: I somehow got the idea of 花钱如流水, holly! I spent like crazy these two days. I don't even know where the hell I spent for.

Highlights of the week.

eyelid infection. I actually felt a bit painful on a few days before I went to the doctor, I thought maybe it was due to tiredness so I just didn't bother. Until that one day, I woke up with my super puffy, painful, horrid right eye. Looking into the mirror freaked myself out- -

Many of my friends fall ill I don't know is the shitty weather problem or we just don't take good care of ourselves. Anyways, please look after yourself yea!

Roomie bought this;)

Osaka puff from Italy bakery. it's really nice!

'm taking Korean language this sem! The lecture is fun so I guess I won't be skipping the class.XD

friend 'dapao' this. ehmmmmm PIZZA??

I actually 'adopted' my friend's guitar for a while. 

And now I'm wondering, since I've got (apparently) nothing to do this sem, why not I learn guitar back? (I was taught to play a few chords during foundation but I totally forgot! Any volunteer teacher?XD)

ex-roomie is now my housemate. LOL! Girls in this unit changed the room like changing clothes.

man you should feel proud of being posted in my blog LOL!!!! 

soooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee right?XDDDD

Playing running man again!! with different bunch of friends who are really interesting and funny. Thanks to them who throw the openhouse party, preparing the games and all. My first time ever, running the whole residential area to look for the hints (envelops). We ran, yelled, hided, playing like a kid together with like almost 30 people ohmiigod!

and not to forget the killer game afterwards. XiaoNvHai really is a popular character doesn't 'she' HAHAHA! Thanks guys, great memory made! ;)

-Tumblr time!-

does it make sense?

Don't worry be happy! 

hell cute HAHAHA! Looking at him/er make my day!

I wish for a balcony like this in the future. LOL thinktoomuch

Trust? 

years to earn, seconds to break, foreverlong to rebuild.

My guy friends often asked one question:

"I want to do or buy something for her, but I just don't know how and what to do"

I'm not good at giving advise so I normally give those 'positive' answers. But now I found one sentence in Tumblr which made me LOL! Guys, so here's the answer for what to give to your girlfriends,

"There's the usual things. Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep."

Well, sarcastic right? But I like it, just so you will be extra careful when you are about to make a promise to your girl. Sometimes you think it's just a small matter, but a girl will forever take it into her heart.

You know how powerful a girl can be, no matter in the extreme positive or negative way, trust me you don't want to experience it. When a girl explodes in emotions, that's really no joke.

HAHAHA

just a small life lesson I encountered last week. Hope it helps.XD

It's Monday, counting down 4 days to go back JB to celebrate papa day!!!

lalala~~ Feeling so great after talking to my mom just now. 

lalala~ housemate brought durian back for us.

Be grateful of everything you have, you'll be much happier!

Fuck that Monday blue, Monday's colorful;)

xoxo

Ee

Day | Drawing

I love rainy day.

the splash

the touch of rain

the view from the window

and

the smell...

I don't know why telegraph pole popped up in my mind when I thought of raining day last night

and I've got nothing better to do, so I decided to draw.....

Purposely Google searched for this image which is quite 'ngam' with the feeling I wanted to bring out, so yea...

I wanted to draw some birdies on the cables, but I just don't know how to draw a (specifically) sparrow- -

so then I replaced with leaves, which somehow bring out a tranquil solitude 

P/S: color pencils credited to my 'new' roomie Michelle, she won this from a fun fair LOL!!

you know what, in this pic I love the fallen leaves the most- -

first time trying on this kind of drawing, will do it more often next time. Kinda like the feel;)

Know what? My past Friday was a doom.

I have only 1 hour class every Friday. So then I have the whole day to spend! Without taking any event I feel damn lifeless, doing nothing whilst the time ticked by, for me it's so wasted!! A wonderful day, wonderful weather but I've got nothing to do and I felt so unproductive!! #FML

now I have time to draw

I have time to read

Now I even have time to 'actually' SMS, chatting bullshits with friends 

(I hate SMS)

Gotta spend my whole day inside my room 

(which I so yearned for when I was taking event)

Be able to check my Twitter, Instagram, FB, Google Reader, Tumblr so often

(that I have practically nothing to do after doing all these)

just that..

I feel like my world, my vision is really SMALL and LIMITED.

How can people be so complicated? When you're busy, you look for peace and calm. When you have the whole day, you actually sick of it.

Damnit.

Luckily spent my 'today' (Saturday) with whole bunch of awesome friends. And I'm quite exhausted now because of the whole day outing.

Madagascar3 is a blast. HAHAHA!! There's one rhythm now forever stuck in my head LOL!!!

Marty ROCKZ!!!!!

and HonWee 21st Birthday celebration next!! 

(though you looked not that handsome in this pic...*cough* we wait for u to upload the photos yeaa) 

*photo credited to ZiHui*

the present we bought for him. Super like can T,T

and next.............

HOHOHO

till then!

Tomorrow gotta play badminton with the gang!! YEAH!! I find that I'm addicted to badminton now- - Good sign anyway!

May you have a healthy Sunday too! :)

xoxo

Ee

Books Review | Letters to Sam by Daniel Gottlieb

Okay after one whole sem (plus one sem break), finally I finished reading this book.....

Tadaaaa! Letters to Sam. 

another non-fiction I bought following 'Tuesday with Morrie'. Haven't been doing a book review for LOONNNGGGG. The previous one was like half a year ago ('Love the One You're With'), review of a non-fiction?? Nearly a year ('The Last Lecture').

Letters to Sam is talking about Dan, a grandpa, his love towards his grandson, Sam, who was diagnosed with autism. About the whole life lessons he wished to pass to Sam, and addressed life challenges we all face.

Dan has been paralyzed from the neck down for more than 25 years ago, this book as well includes the hardship he himself faced. He wrote all these letters with the hope that Sam would one day be able to read them, through them and get to know his grandpa.

Dan ended this book with this wonderful poem called "Guest House".

He wrote

"Sadness, joy, love, anguish, passion, and serenity are all pieces of life- the very texture of this gift called life. Rumi challenges us to welcome all those emotions, all those sorrows and joys, into our being."

as stated in the poem, "Meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in."

That's the REAL way how you deal with your emotions.

NOT this...

I felt real shame on something which happened within the past 24 hours. 

I always know that one shall not reveal or open up your true emotion to 'anyone' simply. Over the years, I used to bottom up my feelings, even to the closest friends. They are well aware of my 'behavior' and never really get crossed it. (I'm blessed, they will always be there whenever I need them.) I believe most of the people have a small hidden part staying deep down your heart, away from being intruded. There's where your secrets stored, where I used to lock it away. 

Everyone does have something they don't wish others to know, wanting to keep it to yourself. Your memories, your old past stories, your dark secrets, your weight? LOL 

Anyway, you never wanted them to be revealed on public, not to mention a TWISTED story of you. How scary is that huh? Try to think about it.

You never hurt your friends, your loved ones. Even in a joke that's barely accepted. 

Sometimes, you don't know how much the words would hurt someone. Maybe you haven't learnt how powerful words are. In this game 'you' probably are the winner, but look at the whole story, I highly doubt that. 'You' didn't care others' feelings AT ALL, 'you' might feel relieve after venting out, might solve the problems in front of your eyes, BUT 'you' created hell lot of shits to others. Is this a fair game? I don't see it.

'You' wished for a life you desired, in the meanwhile 'you' messed the hell outta others. 

"So many of us grown-ups suffer because we are trying to live the life we once had or the life we wish for, you (Sam) reminded me that day that life is much sweeter when we live the life we have."

I bet most people would understand. Many of us would listen. I don't get it, why you chose this way? It's real saddening, shocking too.

What am I talking about?? Getting confused. Mind fucked larrrrrr.

I need to stop here - -

"When my mind went to the past and what I had lost, I felt pain.

When my mind went to the future and what I longed for, I felt pain too."

I somehow can feel the pain of Dan. Not of his disability, but some of his thoughts. I like this book, not a lot as I like 'the last lecture' and 'tuesday with morrie' but every reading makes me to gain something. 

Maybe that's why I love reading.

especially like the prologue of this book:

"To my precious grandson Sam and all the "Sams" in the world. May their vulnerability open our hearts so that they can find care and we can find compassion."

enjoy reading.

xoxo

Ee

Random | Delta Year

New sem started!! Everything is going pretty well EXCEPT the whole building aircon malfunctioned. It's 12 noon and I already went to the campus twice. Both classes I attended ended within 30 minutes and I was like "f*ck that I gotta get back to my room AGAIN?!" because I didn't want to stay inside the campus over an hour and now I feel SO OLD!!!!! Seeing the new intake students as if I'm an elderly in life wtf. 

FYI I'm a Delta year student now, I still have 2 full years to go because of taking engineering program. 2 years seem too long to wait but I want to remain as a uni student as long as possible (under probation doesn't take into account for sure- -) because the thought of stepping out into the unknown world freaks the hell outta me. 

well oh well a new policy enforced in MMU which worries me a lot since the first day I learnt it. Students gotta achieve 80% attendance rate or will be barred from exams. Dafuq?? 80%?!!! 

I AM DOOMED! o_O

too many books I kept in Malacca, these 3 are the ones I finished reading. I have no more space to keep them in my bookshelf...... so they are in my wardrobe now staying together with my clothes and bags wtf - -

because of the printer, my desk looked damn messy! damnit

super healthy Sunday morning. Badminton!! Suddenly miss my JB gang ;)

and thanks Mr Pua.

Good luck to all MMU students! Kicking start June, your new sem, new life with all the awesomeness! 

with God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:28

xoxo

Ee

Random | Last Day in JB

How time flies. 3 weeks holiday is soon coming to an end! I'll go back to Melaka tomorrow morning. Damn it I already get used to my house environment, my comfy bed, the air-con room, the water heater in my bathroom, my mom's cooks, etc. etc..

I checked my last sem result yesterday night and was overjoyed! Far better than what I expected because I thought I could barely pass one subject. Thank god. and of course thanks to Mr Chua for his great mercy. 

To express my gratitude, here's a shout out to Mr Chua, 

"YOU ARE A GREAT LECTURER!!!"

LOL! 

Anyway, new sem symbolizes new start. I'm curious, does everyone say this same thing to comfort ourselves?? 'Let the bygones be bygones.'

ohya one more thing, my little sis is coming to MMU 'too' so if anyone sees her doing bad you're welcome to tell me. Leejin you're doomed! HAHAHAHA

Here's this list

sad to say that I didn't accomplish all.

#1 cook something (checked)

I learnt something new from mommy, braised Yee Mee (mun yee mee)

#2 blog about the Taiwan trip

*HERE*

#3 draw a nice piece (half-checked?)

half done?

#4 done at least 1 piano cover (checked)

*HERE*

#5 visit auntie (checked)

#6 visit Cheelicious (checked)

that's my ted!! lalala~~

#7 meet up with Ms Lo (checked)

love u babe

#8 catch at least 1 movie (checked)

MIB3. not nice though.

Life's real great. Everyday is just a wonderful day to me.

I have no time to read my book nor finish the drama! Going out almost every night a few times. Time spent together with BFFs flies the fastest!!

Thanks for squeezing your time for me my dear(ssssssss)!!

I believe most of you heard about this before

"a good friend knows all your best stories,

a best friend has lived them with you."

glad to have you in my life

(huggiess)

damnit, the power of Instagram!

another brilliant piece from Marasy.

I really LOVE his fingers!!! *.*

shall put everything behind and kick start my new semester in Melaka.

Watch out! I'm coming back!;)

xoxo

Ee

Things We Used to Do

#1 We learnt to appreciate each other's existence since we were young. We hugged, we kissed on check, we hold hands. We did what we wanted to without hesitation. We trusted our friends more than our Baba Mama. 

#2 We often did silly things which back then we thought it was really cool.

#3 We cried when we were sad, smiled when happy, teared when frustrated, laughed when excited. We didn't need to put on a mask, nor fake our emotion just to make sure "I looked fine".

#4 Love isn't complicated at all. When he held her hands, he liked her. He kissed her, oh god he really loved her a lot. As simple as that.

#5 Most importantly, we dared to dream.

Never the same.

xoxo

Ee

Recent | Maco Cafe & Bakery @ Sutera Utama

-last week-

"HAHAHAHA!!", my sis laughed so loudly and I asked her what's up

"Maco posted your bloglink onto their FB fan page" *this one*

"WHAT?"

(checked out my blog traffic *blogger instinct*)

ZOMG

Thanks Maco;)

#1 So guess what? I'm here AGAIN!!!

#2 Maco Cafe & Bakery | 2nd visit

*Facebook Fan Page*

#3 ZiHui and Herng ordered these

which were exactly the same as what I had during the last visit

#4 Crème Brûlée

Out of my expectation, in a good way! Quite a big portion, served with freshly cut fruits, thin biscotti (I supposed it is? Correct me if I'm wrong) and a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

#5 the crust on the surface and soft creamy texture on the inside. yummms

#6 Coffee and beverage menu

"Do you have any request for your latte art?"

(I was thinking for quite some time.....)

"You know that little yellow fella beside Snoopy?"

(browsing the web to google for Woodstock, yea that's his name)

"hmmmmm I want this"

yea he is Woodstock. My one and only favourite cartoon.

You thought this is easy to draw? I'll prove you wrong.

-because of some reasons, I was having high expectations for the barista-

-not of the taste but the latte art-

#7 and was quite disappointed at the end.

BFFs and I actually LOL right in front of the waiter- -

(sorry, my bad my bad)

Can you tell this is Woodstock?

Why not fullscreen-ed my Woodstock but added a lovey border?

Conclusion is, one shall need some skills to draw a real Woodstock.

#8 this one you should know

okay so back to the mocha.

first sip tasted a little bit too milky for me, I thought it's because of the form on top

the next sip...

yea it really tasted too milky. I couldn't really taste the espresso or chocolate.

Some words to the barista,

"I know you've tried your best on my Woodstock! Thanks"

hahaha

Now, one question (I asked my friends too but they are not sure as well):

#9 is the mural completed?? why another side of the tree has yet painted the green grass? 

#10 Herng believes he can fly! HAHAHAHAHA

#11 okay a proper 1. (Please don't say I ruin your image ahhh Mr Liau)

#12 the lady ZiHui;)

#13 the blogger, SzeEeXD

#14 us

#15 really appreciated the time spent together with best friends

we can really chat our heart out and have some secret little talks, which are really nice!!!

#16 oh by the way, I was the driver that night. Super excited can! I haven't been driving for months can you imagine how much I hope I can take control of the car, the speed! (I know my fingers' really fat and short don't even try to mention- -)

#17 loving the outfit that day, cream cardigan and Tiffany blue chiffon top.

you'll soon see the same outfit again in the next post

I lazy to change for the next day LOL!!

-RECENTLY-

#1 Holy Light Presbyterian Church

it's been a really long time since I last played basketball! One or two years back? We didn't really play, we just randomly shot and enjoyed our no-rules-game. ohya not to forget our secret talk afterward. and OnePiece discussion- - 

I shall really start watching One Piece!!! By far I know only Luffy, Sanji and Chopper.

#2 This lady came back from ChengDu last night, and she'll fly AGAIN to Australia next month. I was like seriously??! Max envy lo......

Taking company with her this noon to get back her "new" car from services and grocery shopping afterward. She almost forgets how to drive a car, hmmmm I suggest you to fly a plane la. (damn sarcastic wtf. LOL)

#3 I found a super efficient way to read the note. damn high tech now! LOL

ei just ignore the ugly panda, my sis put it there just to 'decorate' her insta pic HAHA!

#4 Had this for dinner just now. Damn full- -

eii leejinee we miss you le. We couldn't finish this without you! HAHAHAHA

new love.
Missing Piece by David Choi
acoustic version is so much better than the original one!

okay!

before I end this post,

Life's confusing, just so you need to have faith to keep going.

quoted SzeEe.

You're welcome. LOL!


Ciao!

xoxo
Ee