Logic AND Gate

An impromptu update before hitting sack. It's just something I feel I should jot it down for future reference. Haha. Or I think I'd like to recall back when I get older.

6 hours ago...

Le bf and I were going back separately from the same mrt platform, just heading to different ways. I am always the one who leaves first, so when the train door's closing, I looked back and he's already looking, which, for most of you is a pretty normal bf-gf thing but for me, it was the first.

I told him about this feeling I've got and he just (shrug, "I thought I always do that") took it as nothing. Although I know deep down he acknowledged the importance of me telling him (or aren't you?). Taking things the slightest way, ignoring each other for the longest of time kinda stuff is the game we always play. I used to be the winner but painfully losing every game lately.

They said the best feeling in the world is when you look at someone he's already staring. I couldn't agree more. But we shall set rules in here: that someone cannot be a stranger/hater/boss/teacher. Right? And that someone cannot be staring or blunt looking at u, it must be a loving longing look. Right right?? Make sense? It's like a logic AND gate, only 1-1 can open the gate, 1-0, 0-1, 0-0 cannot.

Another thing was, when I was on the way back to my place, by bus, there's an Indian little boy I assumed at the age of 4-5, he's shooting me with his imaginary gun on his hand. Without giving much thoughts, I pretended I got hit and then shot him back with my "7" pose. I guess I terrified him, guess he didn't expect to receive any response from people around because everyone's so busy with whatever world that's living in their HPs/tablets. He then sent signal to his mother who sat beside him, ("oh shit oh shit what if his mother stares at me or what not") that Indian auntie smiled at me and gave me a nod, then whispered something to her boy, who then gave me another two deadly shots. We played for a while until we stopped at the red light. I thought I should stop acting siao (we had a distance like 4-5m and over ten passengers between us), hence tried to avoid eye contact with the little boy and looked out of the window, all the way until I reached my stop and got out of the bus...

I believe one look can change a person's mood and feeling. Be it a loving look or fiercely stare, your simple gesture can affect others. From what I observed people nowadays take most things for granted. That's why we must start from these simple little gesture to make this world a better place to live in.

Don't lose ur smile to this already-cold world.


But don't smile looking down at another world living in your hp.


Good night world.

love,
Ee

First Night Shift @ 4th Nov '14

Here's the boring timeline which marks my first shift in my life. A night shift. When I say boring, it definitely is. Simply wanna jot down bits and bobs to mark my first ever working shift in my life.


5:44 AM 11/4/2014 

Listening to YES 933 (Chinese FM in Singapore, probably the only thing I like in Sg. Ops I forgot dollars should top the list). If you're wondering why am I still awake, I'm working night shift, my first ever rotating shift happened to be a night shift. Not that tiring as what I'd expected. Perhaps joining/organizing events during uni somehow helped me adapting to this job fast.Thanks to my hardcore uni events back then.

(Drinking 3-in-1 coffee)

Consider I am lucky, or not. I have to work rotating shift, nine-to-nine job (12 hours), be it day or night shift. Working 14 days per month is standard (excluding OTs). Since today is my first day, it's hard to say that I'm doing well and going to be fine. Lifestyle is upside-down, biological clock is messed up. God knows what would happen to me in coming months or years. What I know now is to work hard when I still can, when my health and body still allow me to.

Not quite sure what am I going to write since it's 6 in the morning. My brain isn't functioning well now.


6:00 AM 11/4/2014

(933 playing Singapore national anthem) I miss Malaysia more.


6:15 AM 11/4/2014

(Tuned off 933 as it's morning and DJ starts hosting. Listening to Ed Sheeran's and Love Rosie soundtracks)

Did I say Love, Rosie is so so good? I did, in Instagram.

***Recap***

Watched this movie hours ago; read this novel at least five years back, twice. A really good remake into film! Reminiscing the story between Rosie and Alex once more. British accent is so sexy! Soundtracks are another plus point. All in all, a good one, although I like the name #WhereRainbowsEnd (used in UK) more than #LoveRosie (in US).

"It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There's no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. 

Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less. Or perhaps a variation of what you once wanted. 

Why do we stop believing in ourselves? Why do we let facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our lives?" 

(Lines written in novel, not showing in the movie) 

Am tempted to reread for the third time after watching the movie. So good.. So so good..


I like all soundtracks in this movie!


6:30 AM 11/4/2014
 
Most of the people in here are sleeping. I'm one of a few who are still awake. It's not easy to stay up whole night, guess I'm the weird one.

(Reading Yahoo News)


6:51 AM 11/4/2014

Remember I mentioned how dependent Singaporeans are on technology and whatnot. Here's the solid PROVE!!!

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/google-reveals-singapore-number-one-043027547.html

No surprise.

Went out and had a little walk out of the building just now. It's dawn. Sky is grey perhaps it's gonna rain?


You won't believe what I've found online!

http://marimarister.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/cecilia-ahern-love-rosie.pdf

Damnnnnn, Where Rainbows End/Love, Rosie online version! For those who really interested in the novel itself, this is it! Totally free. Okay I might really read it for the third time during my shift tomorrow.

(Listening Alone Again by Gilbert O'Sullivan [my favourite soundtrack], 70s' rhythm, sad lyric)


7:47 AM 11/4/2014

(Listening Small Bump by Ed Sheeran)

Got a morning text from my BFF asking how am I doing. Still alive. Strangely enough, I don't feel tired. Perhaps the caffeine kept me awake until now. Powerful 3-in-1 coffee.

Keeping myself hydrated perhaps is another way to ensure that I won't be dying at an early age.





7:57 AM 11/4/2014

Closing this 2-hrs timeline for today.

May you have a good Tuesday.


Morning people.
signing off.

love,
Ee

从见光明

封尘太久，我几乎忘了怎么把我的情绪想法化成文字抒发出来。过去几个月的阴霾，终见天日。

这几个月是人生的大转折。戴上方帽子毕业其实不过是漫漫人生中其中五年奋斗的成果。接下来迎接你的，占据你人生大部分的，必是那遥遥无期，看不见终点的工作生涯。充满正能量的我，变得不再那么无时无刻都开朗乐观。抱着“船到桥头自然直”的人生哲学，好好地活了二十二年的我，竟会在第二十三年因为诸多“现实考量”而郁郁寡欢了好一阵子。直到找到了份不错的工作，我这才又慢慢转换回来。But I would say I’m a changed person now. 身边朋友都觉得我给他们的感觉不一样了，也说是好事。承你们贵言，希望真的是长大了，而不是变质了。


毕业等于失业这句话真的没错。找份自己适合的喜欢的工作，真的很难。深深体会了“有一好没有二好”这句话背后深远的意思。必定要牺牲些什么，你才能得到些什么。这份工作，我多了自由，却没了正常的作息。多了时间，却少了能够一起共度时间的人。

开始这份工作到现在其实也不过近一个月，我连薪水都还没到手，就已经开始策划要买些什么东西，要换什么电话，明年要到哪里旅行等等等有的没的。这里的生活还不至于到省吃俭用，但也不是餐餐大鱼大肉就是。对我来说最大的，最需要克服的，就是钱财管理。我从来就是超没有金钱概念的人类，吃米不知米价，吃水果不知水果贵的外星人。除了以前读书PTPTN那笔钱外，我还没见过什么钱出现在我的银行户口，也不知道该怎么理财。是时候学习了。


一点我实在不能忍受，或是说我还不能适应的，是这里的人对科技产品的依赖。在telco公司工作完全可以看得出这里的人多么重视，多么依赖网络，3G， 4G， WIFI。举一例子：一个短短几分钟的网络短线，马上就有人投诉了。在马来西亚网络断线也不过家常，可能这里的步伐太快，人们不能容忍一点闪失。另一例子：走在路上，或搭巴士、搭地铁，绝对人手一机，没一例外。手里没按着电话的，就是看着iPad；看不见电话或iPad的，就是耳里塞着耳机。塞在挤满人的地铁车厢里，你绝对会对那份出奇寂静的氛围感到莫名其妙。人都不沟通了吗？眼神没半点交流，人与人间毫无人情味可言。走在路上的人们，各个刻着对生活感到厌倦的一号表情。不然就是，你最好离我远点老娘没心情对付你的二号表情。再不然就是眼神空洞，神情呆滞的三号表情。

好冷漠的城市。

为了继续燃烧对工作，对生活的热忱，我决定时不时还是要更新部落格。虽然现在有多余的时间我宁愿拿来睡觉，不过，谁知道哪天我脸上也刻着那一二三号表情。我。不。要。也不想。就像一开始我对自己说的，绝对不向世俗低头。We shall see how.


说些开心的。同事都很热心，我的阿头人也不错。工作方面，不管你大学毕业，还是修个文凭，出来社会还是个从零开始的菜鸟。对很多东西都很陌生，尤其是technical层面。说到底，没点专业知识也不好意思对人称自己是位engineer吧。视压力为动力，希望在两年内能有所进步。

我的屋主是个安娣。我七点起床她已经去做工了，八点回来她已经睡觉了。名副其实的早睡早起。没什么交流，不过她是个不错的屋主就是，没drama。一个人一间房的自由等于无限。是我所向往的。他们说我应该要找个室友，免得我回到家面对四面墙会emo。是难免会有情绪低落的时候，但是我从来不是个会分享这类情绪的人。再来，自己的房间要怎么摆设随我高兴，怎么整理打扫随我意。所以，我还蛮满意现在的小窝。



没尝试过靠自己的生活，你是不会怀念你曾拥有的，无忧无虑，什么都不需要管的童年。就是因为曾经不能重来，更要努力把现在活得很好，免得未来三五年不堪回首现在的种种经历。

你是我在最需要温暖安慰的时候的那剂强心针。

最后

真的。

仪