Bye 2014

2015 is approaching. I still remember the last minute I was struggling whether or not to post a review of my year 2013, and the next minute, it's the end of year 2014! God, where has all the time gone?

I haven't even blogged about my Christmas last year and bomb! Year 2015 is coming. I used to look forward to the coming of December, was so so into Christmas during the past, it was my favourite festive season out of all (and my baby sister's birthday). Spreading love and joy and happiness and all. This year's Christmas was just another normal day to me.

Christmas 2013. I had time to sketch and doodle and draw.

When I first entered my company I currently work in, many times I almost said I'm 22. I had always thought that 'I'm 22'. I still remember how proud I was when I just entered 18 years old. Young and bold and crazy. College and hangouts and boys(?)

Gone were the days.


Turning into 24 real soon. Am still young though. Maybe not that carefree like I used to. Maybe I don't really mean what I say all the time. Maybe I would try to fit in to this society I once despised. Point is, I don't know what exactly would happen to me, and I don't know what decision I would make at that point of time. If you heard, change is the only constant in life. I forgot where I learnt this sentence, but I admire whoever had said this.

We always wish things to stay the same, to remain the status you feel comfortable with, but we often forget, everything is impermanent. People grow old with times, kids become teenagers then turn into adults. Friends become lovers, lovers become husband and wife and then parents, grandparents. Even technology, iPhone 3G, 4, 5, 6, who knows? As long as we can't freeze the time, things change.

It's like, I used to have my small car in JB, I could come and go freely. I could drive to town 15km away from home and have a cup of latte. I still can, when I back to my hometown. In Singapore, I need to take public transport wherever I go. I have to take a 30 minutes bus ride to my work place which is like 3km away from my place. This is change.

There is a whole bunch of new things I have to do in year 2015, a whole bunch of new situations I have to handle and a whole bunch of hardships I have to overcome. I actually kinda looking forward to the new year. I start earning, saving; planning, spending. Although I over-spend sometimes, I buy things I don't really need, I don't know where has my money gone, but overall a pretty good feeling about spending my own money. And it all wouldn't happen if I didn't go through everything I had done. I feel unreasonably proud of myself. Now I truly feel like an adult.

There's good and bad in everything.

I feel the responsibility fell upon me. I have a say, I have to bear whatever consequences. I once said blogging was like part of my life, but now I don't really feel free doing so. This blog was my territory. I feel it's now intruded for no apparent reason. Or I feel exposed under others' judgements. I was so care free I didn't give a damn about what others think of me. I do now. 时间搞得鬼？ I'm wondering if this is part of the deals of growing up.

I've been saying this tons of times I don't get bored of saying this one more time, I will at least stay true to myself, to this blog I've been using since young.

This year is probably, overwhelming to me. Completing my degree, falling down too hard, getting stitches for the first time, getting a job, starting my career life in Singapore, etc.. Overall a fruitful year. Only if I could kick the 'fall down' incident out of the list. 可惜没如果.


Feeling kinda wasted if I don't post this out since this is Christmas season. It's been delayed for a year...

Christmas 2013 handmade card to my friends. Back then I had time to really drew, cut, pasted, tied, wrote all things. This year I couldn't do it. This is change.

Which one was yours?

DIY. My so-called 百宝盒

Not printed stuff. I should have sold it for pocket money. Could I?

Again, gone were the days.... Sadly, I should have spent time on doing something for my friends on this Christmas. I didn't feel the joyful spirit this year.




Anyway...


I feel that if you are to make a list of new year's resolutions and cannot fulfill at the end, try making a list you wish you can continue doing in year 2015.

Maybe I was the one who couldn't attend to my resolutions, here are something I hope I can at least keep up for.

1. Read

I didn't count how many books I read in this year, but mostly good reads. This, The Rose Petal Beach is exceptional, unlike other Dorothy Koomson's books I found very loving warming, this is a romantic thriller.

2. Draw/doodle/sketch

This Christmas bear was for Michelle. If not mistaken.

3. Practice piano more often and cover songs if possible

Aim to cover this. JJ Lin's latest song,

可惜没如果.

Warning: super addictive, recent favourite.

4. Cafe hop

ambitiously hope that I can differentiate a latte and a flat white.

Passions above work!

Haha nahh just saying. I need money or else I wouldn't be in Singapore earning dollars.

There are many quotes I'd love to share with you, my favourite book ever (again) Tuesday with Morrie, happened to match what I'm blogging today. Some I might share with you before, but anyway...

"As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you'd always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it." 

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. Most of us live somewhere in the middle. A wrestling match. Which side wins? Love wins. Love always wins."

"I like myself better when I'm with you."


 ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie 

Who would you hurt in the name of love? 

No one. Never.

There won't be too much love exists in the world. Especially when so many disasters, unfortunate things happened in this year.

In year 2015, continue to love.

I wish you a happy new year.

Peace.



love,
Ee

Logic AND Gate

An impromptu update before hitting sack. It's just something I feel I should jot it down for future reference. Haha. Or I think I'd like to recall back when I get older.

6 hours ago...

Le bf and I were going back separately from the same mrt platform, just heading to different ways. I am always the one who leaves first, so when the train door's closing, I looked back and he's already looking, which, for most of you is a pretty normal bf-gf thing but for me, it was the first.

I told him about this feeling I've got and he just (shrug, "I thought I always do that") took it as nothing. Although I know deep down he acknowledged the importance of me telling him (or aren't you?). Taking things the slightest way, ignoring each other for the longest of time kinda stuff is the game we always play. I used to be the winner but painfully losing every game lately.

They said the best feeling in the world is when you look at someone he's already staring. I couldn't agree more. But we shall set rules in here: that someone cannot be a stranger/hater/boss/teacher. Right? And that someone cannot be staring or blunt looking at u, it must be a loving longing look. Right right?? Make sense? It's like a logic AND gate, only 1-1 can open the gate, 1-0, 0-1, 0-0 cannot.

Another thing was, when I was on the way back to my place, by bus, there's an Indian little boy I assumed at the age of 4-5, he's shooting me with his imaginary gun on his hand. Without giving much thoughts, I pretended I got hit and then shot him back with my "7" pose. I guess I terrified him, guess he didn't expect to receive any response from people around because everyone's so busy with whatever world that's living in their HPs/tablets. He then sent signal to his mother who sat beside him, ("oh shit oh shit what if his mother stares at me or what not") that Indian auntie smiled at me and gave me a nod, then whispered something to her boy, who then gave me another two deadly shots. We played for a while until we stopped at the red light. I thought I should stop acting siao (we had a distance like 4-5m and over ten passengers between us), hence tried to avoid eye contact with the little boy and looked out of the window, all the way until I reached my stop and got out of the bus...

I believe one look can change a person's mood and feeling. Be it a loving look or fiercely stare, your simple gesture can affect others. From what I observed people nowadays take most things for granted. That's why we must start from these simple little gesture to make this world a better place to live in.

Don't lose ur smile to this already-cold world.


But don't smile looking down at another world living in your hp.


Good night world.

love,
Ee

First Night Shift @ 4th Nov '14

Here's the boring timeline which marks my first shift in my life. A night shift. When I say boring, it definitely is. Simply wanna jot down bits and bobs to mark my first ever working shift in my life.


5:44 AM 11/4/2014 

Listening to YES 933 (Chinese FM in Singapore, probably the only thing I like in Sg. Ops I forgot dollars should top the list). If you're wondering why am I still awake, I'm working night shift, my first ever rotating shift happened to be a night shift. Not that tiring as what I'd expected. Perhaps joining/organizing events during uni somehow helped me adapting to this job fast.Thanks to my hardcore uni events back then.

(Drinking 3-in-1 coffee)

Consider I am lucky, or not. I have to work rotating shift, nine-to-nine job (12 hours), be it day or night shift. Working 14 days per month is standard (excluding OTs). Since today is my first day, it's hard to say that I'm doing well and going to be fine. Lifestyle is upside-down, biological clock is messed up. God knows what would happen to me in coming months or years. What I know now is to work hard when I still can, when my health and body still allow me to.

Not quite sure what am I going to write since it's 6 in the morning. My brain isn't functioning well now.


6:00 AM 11/4/2014

(933 playing Singapore national anthem) I miss Malaysia more.


6:15 AM 11/4/2014

(Tuned off 933 as it's morning and DJ starts hosting. Listening to Ed Sheeran's and Love Rosie soundtracks)

Did I say Love, Rosie is so so good? I did, in Instagram.

***Recap***

Watched this movie hours ago; read this novel at least five years back, twice. A really good remake into film! Reminiscing the story between Rosie and Alex once more. British accent is so sexy! Soundtracks are another plus point. All in all, a good one, although I like the name #WhereRainbowsEnd (used in UK) more than #LoveRosie (in US).

"It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There's no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. 

Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less. Or perhaps a variation of what you once wanted. 

Why do we stop believing in ourselves? Why do we let facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our lives?" 

(Lines written in novel, not showing in the movie) 

Am tempted to reread for the third time after watching the movie. So good.. So so good..


I like all soundtracks in this movie!


6:30 AM 11/4/2014
 
Most of the people in here are sleeping. I'm one of a few who are still awake. It's not easy to stay up whole night, guess I'm the weird one.

(Reading Yahoo News)


6:51 AM 11/4/2014

Remember I mentioned how dependent Singaporeans are on technology and whatnot. Here's the solid PROVE!!!

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/google-reveals-singapore-number-one-043027547.html

No surprise.

Went out and had a little walk out of the building just now. It's dawn. Sky is grey perhaps it's gonna rain?


You won't believe what I've found online!

http://marimarister.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/cecilia-ahern-love-rosie.pdf

Damnnnnn, Where Rainbows End/Love, Rosie online version! For those who really interested in the novel itself, this is it! Totally free. Okay I might really read it for the third time during my shift tomorrow.

(Listening Alone Again by Gilbert O'Sullivan [my favourite soundtrack], 70s' rhythm, sad lyric)


7:47 AM 11/4/2014

(Listening Small Bump by Ed Sheeran)

Got a morning text from my BFF asking how am I doing. Still alive. Strangely enough, I don't feel tired. Perhaps the caffeine kept me awake until now. Powerful 3-in-1 coffee.

Keeping myself hydrated perhaps is another way to ensure that I won't be dying at an early age.





7:57 AM 11/4/2014

Closing this 2-hrs timeline for today.

May you have a good Tuesday.


Morning people.
signing off.

love,
Ee

从见光明

封尘太久，我几乎忘了怎么把我的情绪想法化成文字抒发出来。过去几个月的阴霾，终见天日。

这几个月是人生的大转折。戴上方帽子毕业其实不过是漫漫人生中其中五年奋斗的成果。接下来迎接你的，占据你人生大部分的，必是那遥遥无期，看不见终点的工作生涯。充满正能量的我，变得不再那么无时无刻都开朗乐观。抱着“船到桥头自然直”的人生哲学，好好地活了二十二年的我，竟会在第二十三年因为诸多“现实考量”而郁郁寡欢了好一阵子。直到找到了份不错的工作，我这才又慢慢转换回来。But I would say I’m a changed person now. 身边朋友都觉得我给他们的感觉不一样了，也说是好事。承你们贵言，希望真的是长大了，而不是变质了。


毕业等于失业这句话真的没错。找份自己适合的喜欢的工作，真的很难。深深体会了“有一好没有二好”这句话背后深远的意思。必定要牺牲些什么，你才能得到些什么。这份工作，我多了自由，却没了正常的作息。多了时间，却少了能够一起共度时间的人。

开始这份工作到现在其实也不过近一个月，我连薪水都还没到手，就已经开始策划要买些什么东西，要换什么电话，明年要到哪里旅行等等等有的没的。这里的生活还不至于到省吃俭用，但也不是餐餐大鱼大肉就是。对我来说最大的，最需要克服的，就是钱财管理。我从来就是超没有金钱概念的人类，吃米不知米价，吃水果不知水果贵的外星人。除了以前读书PTPTN那笔钱外，我还没见过什么钱出现在我的银行户口，也不知道该怎么理财。是时候学习了。


一点我实在不能忍受，或是说我还不能适应的，是这里的人对科技产品的依赖。在telco公司工作完全可以看得出这里的人多么重视，多么依赖网络，3G， 4G， WIFI。举一例子：一个短短几分钟的网络短线，马上就有人投诉了。在马来西亚网络断线也不过家常，可能这里的步伐太快，人们不能容忍一点闪失。另一例子：走在路上，或搭巴士、搭地铁，绝对人手一机，没一例外。手里没按着电话的，就是看着iPad；看不见电话或iPad的，就是耳里塞着耳机。塞在挤满人的地铁车厢里，你绝对会对那份出奇寂静的氛围感到莫名其妙。人都不沟通了吗？眼神没半点交流，人与人间毫无人情味可言。走在路上的人们，各个刻着对生活感到厌倦的一号表情。不然就是，你最好离我远点老娘没心情对付你的二号表情。再不然就是眼神空洞，神情呆滞的三号表情。

好冷漠的城市。

为了继续燃烧对工作，对生活的热忱，我决定时不时还是要更新部落格。虽然现在有多余的时间我宁愿拿来睡觉，不过，谁知道哪天我脸上也刻着那一二三号表情。我。不。要。也不想。就像一开始我对自己说的，绝对不向世俗低头。We shall see how.


说些开心的。同事都很热心，我的阿头人也不错。工作方面，不管你大学毕业，还是修个文凭，出来社会还是个从零开始的菜鸟。对很多东西都很陌生，尤其是technical层面。说到底，没点专业知识也不好意思对人称自己是位engineer吧。视压力为动力，希望在两年内能有所进步。

我的屋主是个安娣。我七点起床她已经去做工了，八点回来她已经睡觉了。名副其实的早睡早起。没什么交流，不过她是个不错的屋主就是，没drama。一个人一间房的自由等于无限。是我所向往的。他们说我应该要找个室友，免得我回到家面对四面墙会emo。是难免会有情绪低落的时候，但是我从来不是个会分享这类情绪的人。再来，自己的房间要怎么摆设随我高兴，怎么整理打扫随我意。所以，我还蛮满意现在的小窝。



没尝试过靠自己的生活，你是不会怀念你曾拥有的，无忧无虑，什么都不需要管的童年。就是因为曾经不能重来，更要努力把现在活得很好，免得未来三五年不堪回首现在的种种经历。

你是我在最需要温暖安慰的时候的那剂强心针。

最后

真的。

仪

Midnight Diary (Again, after so long)

It's been long. I haven't got time to update my blog. No shit I have all the time in the world to be frank just that I had no clue how to put my thought into words like, any more. But things happened, time won't stop ticking.

This is a quick post (and late night, again). I certainly don't know what to blog (now) so I'll just randomly talk about what comes into my mind.

1. was sitting infront of my lappy this morning since I woke up. For hours. I had this thought with me: 不甘愿就这样。就这样. "Just-like-that". Anyway, I finally decided to start sending out resume. Well, sometimes we can't help but to follow the current. I don't see this as a bad sign though, (at least for now) because it's really time to step into next phase. Hire me hire me hire me!
2. I'm never a network-social active person (Besides Instagram, I update quite frequent I'd say haha). I seldom text, hence I rarely check my hp for messages. My friends have mostly gotten used to my taking-forever-to-reply-a-text style. Now, well, it's getting serious: I don't even pick up calls! They just happened to call me when I wasn't around my hp. You know, iphone drains battery in lightning speed! So 1/4 of the day it's on charged (no kidding).
3. was hanging out with my cousins. We are close, but aren't that close to the extend to hang out outside of our family gathering. Or is it just me? Anyway, it was a great hangout. Gossiping stuff away. We should do it again some time!
4. was chatting with my girls (rarely happened, see no. 2) and the conversation totally made my day. They aren't just BFF, they are BBF, MBF, (don't mind this, inside joke) etc. too! They are the buddies, the company, the kind, the love, the evil, the sin, they are everything.
5. have been looking for pianosheets and covers. Can't get the pianosheets of the songs I fond lately: 天使的指纹 and 像天堂的悬崖. It takes me forever to cover by ears (and the results are not even close as nice) so I'd rather wait for the pianosheets online. My elder sis sent me a piano prodigy youtube video, which depressed me (in some not-so-serious ways). I can never be half as nice as that 9-year-old kid my god. I've been learning since 6, that kid hadn't even been born yet! Lesson learnt: all children are gifts; not all children are gifted. I'm a missed.
6. I miss going roadtrip with loved ones. Probably much influenced by the book I read lately. I miss looking out the window as the scenery passed us by. I miss looking at the driver and the look in his eyes.
7. I recalled back the night where I hit into the glass. The fear of ruining everything. I guess I can never forget that feeling. Frighten. Scared. Guilt especially. Everything washed through me whenever I recall back that night. I'm feeling all the feelings even typing it out now. 
8. Had a little mood swing. Thank god for my optimism. The positive vibe. They gather me up as a whole, as a person. I feel vulnerable at times where I need a shoulder to lean on. But forgetting they need the same thing back from me. Haven't I always said things are two-way, mutual. I really should keep this in mind. When I stop giving out the positive aura, I can't ask for it either. Am back as little sunshine now!
9. Read Tim's latest blog post and got really inspired. Everyone should read. *Click Here*. I love reading his blog anyway. So down to earth. So earnest. So true. 

-Tumblr Time-

Adorable pic! Angel like baby as if he/she has wings attached. Hmm decorations do matter.

Did I mention? Guess not. I got an A- for my FYP. Was kinda disappointed at first. Well this pic kinda reassures me lol.

exactly. Perhaps I won't encounter the wrong ones. But life's a bitch. Just hope for the best.

simply love love LOVE this pic! Art is so much fun. Where fun exists, where art forms.

much beyond words. I envy this well-dressed little girl, and the puppy. Books wall is my thing!! and I wonder what's that little thing sits on the floor (right side).

-being really random-

The unforgettable Cameron Highland roadtrip with family. Still, I don't regret of going, of staying.

after the accident. Sorry to make my parents worried, and still had to hold up and stayed strong for me throughout the entire time. I know deep inside they were broken. Love you baba mama! PS: couple shirts my dad and I put on!

they are just like a pair of mischievous couple. I like this picture of them.

I don't know where am I going. But I'm going. Are you coming?

Roadtrip roadtrip roadtrip...

the green. the soil. the sand. the sea. the sky.

well.

night.

it's Tuesday.

it's reunion day.

love,

Ee

Pre-grad. Post-grad.

Maybe every living creature in this whole wide world is studying for finals and ironically, I have absolutely nothing to do, I guess blogging will kill the time. So here's some things crawl into my mind. 

I'm going to graduate, for your information. And realizing that you are about to graduate is a mixed feeling. Something like love-hate relationship. It's such a relief knowing that I've completed my 4 years engineering degree (+ another 1 year foundation makes 5 years in total), not finished first-class-ly but at least reached my expectation.  The tension feeling I got whenever I thought of the after-grad is however, killing. 

I'm not a person with plans. With that I thank god, for saving me from a lot of worries. This time, I have no such luck to step away from it: drawing a future for myself. I'm confused about it, my future, which previously I didn't really give a fuck. I thought eventually, things will come naturally if they're meant to be, will fall into its place and fit in perfectly. With that naive thought or you say belief, I actually did survive through my 5 years of college (Amazing! isn't it?) . 

I was 18 when I first came to Malacca and I'm 23 this year and soon going to leave. Within these 5 years I've come to know that, the best things in life aren't things. I came with my clothes, some daily necessities and stationeries, I now go back with so much more. Friends and experiences are two most important things I can name it now. I've been through so much makes me feel that, I actually did quite some things in my college life and I wasn't wasting it. Of course there's times I would have worked harder and put more efforts, but there's moments I felt it didn't matter at all. Complicated. Anyways, these 5 years made up a great experience and probably part of the greatest memories in my life. 

I know things will look so much different in a month or two from now. I can't foresee that. I can't predict what would happen. I can't say I don't look forward to its coming. But I can't say I anticipate to its coming either. I'm confused about what I really want, because I never thought of it. I really should think of it now. The thought of becoming one of those ambitious people scares me. I don't know who would I become. I hope that deep inside I would forever be this me, the SzeEe you know. But god knows what society capable of to change a person. The idea of it horrifies me. 

I have to keep reminding myself not to be one of those who would fade out into the society and lose himself. Thus, I gotta hold myself up to this belief, so tightly until it hurts: I'm not gonna change to blend in, to fit in. I'm gonna be just me.

another wordy post. 

I guess I overthink. Fuck it. Who cares. Just live. 

Counting down 4 days. Be it alone or with friends or with you. I'm so gonna enjoy it. 

I will miss this place for sure.

and you.

love,

Ee

静悄悄静悄悄

刚从电台听到的歌。
Been on repeat ever since.


%------------------------%


喜欢自己才会拥抱生活。

“世间有很多美妙的东西，
但真正属于自己的却并未几。
在这个缤纷的世俗世界里，
能够学会用一颗平凡的心去看待四周的一切，
也是一种境界。”


擦肩而过的人们，
谁知道你是谁。

他们都有自己的故事，
而旁观者永远只能虚想猜测。

喜欢做个旁观者。
喜欢看着世界流动。
喜欢坐在落地窗前欣赏外头的人潮攒动。


一对貌似忘年恋的情侣，
姐姐似的女生搂着弟弟似的男生，
交头接耳低声嘀咕。

四五只人小鬼大的小学生，
放学后惬意的溜达，
坐在街边栏杆上打闹欢笑。

一对印度情侣，
勾着小指头逛大街。

一位戴着很in的帽子的阿嫲。

带着打包食物回来的员工。

翘着脚摇啊摇，
对着电脑的只身小金毛。

三位妙龄少女，
做着功课大声聊着天。

办公人士对着iPad刷啊刷。

背着大书包大水瓶，
在街上奔跑的少年。

从窗外往里头看的光头老外，
不小心地跟我对上眼。*羞*

一对老外夫妇带着两个小孩。
小的被妈妈牵着，
大的跟在后头，
带着一脸“我很累可以休息了吗” 或
“热带国家my ass”之类的厌恶表情。


%------------------------%


没有任何东西可以永恒。
如果是流动的，它会溜走；
如果能存着的，也会干涸；
如果还成长的，总会凋零。


能留下来的，是爱。

是人对周遭赋予的生命。

是人与人之间的互相关怀。

哦。
还有文字。



仪

Midnight Diary 2014 1.0

I hadn't clicked into my blog for like, weeks, until I received an email from a reader. Alright then I'll do a quick post before I sleep. Spontaneous like that, yes.

As most of you know, I'm doing my FYP this sem, and only FYP. At first I thought it'd be so damn free to me to only take one subject in a short semester. Reality just slapped me in the face. Bitch please, I'm BUSY. Even busier than usual. Meeting up with my supervisor for like, everyday? for the past few weeks and each meeting lasted at least 2 hours. Until last week he pronounced I'm 'okay' on my own. Thank goodness. 

He's really a nice supervisor, provides every guidance and help needed. He's that keen and helpful to a point where, he called me at 10pm (yes, at night) and asked me to add 'some more' stuffs into my report; once sent me an email at 11 close 12 midnight, asked me to read an article. One thing I'm so much behind the progress (and it's my usual habit) is that, he never really satisfied for my current doing. He needs more, detailed stuffs. And each time we met, there'r sure some new things we explored. He even asked if I'm interested to further my current project in NTU. Well, with an offer like that, anyone would waver a little. Shall see how it goes. And I was told that, someone is gonna show up for my presentation. Gosh, how stressful!

Throughout my university life, I never really loved any subject or showed interest in any field (academically). But in doing this FYP, I found that I'm kinda interested to the work I'm doing. Or perhaps meeting a right supervisor makes things right. I owe him so much. Thanks sir. :)

Stressful and yet, I'm happy with it.

Sometimes, I wish I can just read good novels, watch great movies, listen to my favourite songs, travel, see beautiful things, eat whenever I'm hungry, sleep whenever I'm tired. But no, I first have to complete my FYP report, second to finish my presentation successfully, and then graduate, find a job and struggle.

My whereabout just now. When you bump into me, anytime anywhere before 28th, ask me to back to my stuff and stop slacking and strolling around. I can't afford that. oh and wish me good luck too! Tqvm:)

Out of the blue, I miss this place. The seat that overlooking the street, the latte, the green mug. My recent favourite hanging place.

Another 2 weeks and byebye to this place. I'm not sure if I'd miss it, but for sure I'll miss my university life. Gosh can't believe I'm one leg stepping out into the society, another stage of my life. I'm taken aback, yet kinda looking forward to it. Perhaps my good luck will continue following me. and to all of you my friends who soon graduate.

Life like this is a little bit unexpected. Who knows the one sitting at the last row in your class will end up be the one who cooks you dinner, brings you to grocery shopping, or likely to be the punching bag of your own. I never knew I could be this irrational, unreasonable girl which I back then swore I would not be. Thanks for seeing me through that I'm not always the strong one; Thanks for letting me know I can be spoilt; Thanks for telling me it's okay to be a little annoying and unreasonable at times. Above all, thanks for reminding me that I'm still a girl. I don't see the future until it comes to me. I know it's gonna be hard. I know many things await. Perhaps together we can walk it through. 

Most of my friends know, I'm so reserved when it comes to my personal stuffs. Family, best friends, whoever. I used to bottled up my feelings. Even I blog, I just put my random thoughts into words. I seldom open up to anyone like I do to you. Sometimes, we're scared to say things we wanted to say, so we keep our mouths shut. Until that one day we realize, we should have said it. But it's too late.

and 

Nothing is too late.

(ahhhhh this is deep I don't know what I'm talking about [but deep down my instinct told me so {well maybe it agrees something to a certain degree}])

nested brackets. lol.

don't ask. I simply like this picture.

It's crazy how fast things change.

Thinking back, it's really good to be a kid. But better to be an adult. Although yes, we have to worry about a living, but we make decisions to everything which would lead us to the destinations. We either enjoy the gain, or suffer the lost. That's the deal of life.

Growing up and be a happy human being.

That's my life.

xoxo

Ee

伪《康复日记》

其实，早在两个礼拜前我就想要开始我的《康复日记》。但是实在太懒惰，加上心灵上没经历过什么巨大波折或跨过什么心理障碍，《康复日记》就这样一了百了。

额……该怎么开始呢。身边少数朋友知道我把自己跌了一身伤后【好啦就算没有一整身，至少也有四肢跟原本必须靠它吃饭的脸（哭）】，都送上祝福啊、问候啊等等等，不忘外加嘲笑跟些些戏谑。毕竟吃到23岁那么大，要跌成这样也不是每个人可以办到。

是这样的……

事发日期：04-03-2014
事发时间：大约9:30pm
事发地点：金马仑酒店，套房内

其实叻……过程有点难交代。哈。基本上就是，晚餐后回酒店，然后走到阳台，就抬头看，就看到满天星星，可能没有光害的关系，星星就很满很满很亮很亮很多很多，额……总之是星星惹的祸就对了【可以赖就赖】。

【然后我很肚懒酒店的处理方式，有机会去金马仑就别去Copthorne了，也就是以前的Equatorial。太可怕了。】

额，嗯，直接跳到被载去附近的诊所清理伤口跟缝针吧。

 人生中第一次缝针就要缝上两个伤口。一个在嘴唇上【嗯，毁容了我（再哭）】，一个在小腿。挺可怕，明明意识是非常清醒的，可是躺在手术台上什么都不能做，只能感受自己肉被针线穿过然后缝合起来【文字上看来是不是很嗨？陪在我身边的李金金观赏全手术过程，那才叫嗨翻天了（她整个就很享受，有点病态我觉得，好啦还是谢谢你陪我，还有可怜你那小手被我握得太紧差点骨折）】。其实没感觉，因为打了麻醉针。但麻醉针那四剂真的是痛到我差点妈妈都不认得【我超！怕！痛！】。

嗯……然后那半小时到一小时里我的脑袋就像书里描述的那样，天旋地转，回忆一再盘旋。想了好多好多……可能把我人生前22年里，原本该思考，但我却不屑屌的人生方向，做了一次性的反省跟整理。然后得到一个非常理的概念就是，女生好像很需要靠脸吃饭。我天。


想到，一家人开开心心出去玩的计划，就因为我全程泡汤，整个就眼眶泛泪，内疚到不行。

再想到，老爸老妈那么宝贝的女儿，把自己跌成这样，尤其是在他们眼前，right before their eyes!!! 他们接下来几个星期甚至几个月，怎么能睡得安稳。我就像他们的心头肉，虽然伤的是我，痛的却是他们。没能好好照顾自己。
我很内疚。

再再想到，原本不差几天就能见到的，整天担心我的你，就因为我的大意，又给你添麻烦添担忧添一堆你原本就不应该心痛的理由。很心痛你的心痛。
我很内疚。

再再再想到，原计划一起看演唱会，顺便KL两天一夜游的你们。不能按原订行程一起出发前往，不能在临毕一起疯一起玩。
我很内疚。


当然中间也不忘跟李金金聊些废话来分散注意力【“我鼻子有没有歪掉？” “是不是很恐怖？” “缝在这个地方应该不太能吃东西，顺便节食当减肥好了” “这是缝第几针？” “你怎么不去当医生？” 诸如此类的废话】。隐隐中也听见，爸妈在外头打电话交代东西的声音。躺在手术台上，想到我是祸因，想到我的无能为力，那感觉真非笔墨所能形容，内疚到了极点【我应该把这辈子的内疚都给榨干了】。


缝合手术做完，我从玻璃的反射看见了没看过的自己。没什么确切的感觉，痛处随着麻醉药消失了，心情也非常淡定。没意识到存在着的，女生最担心的问题。心里满满的都是内疚跟抱歉，没什么余地让我担心我的脸蛋。一见到妈妈，看到她哭红了的双眼，我又悲从中来抱着她一直说对不起，哭得好惨就是。就连冷静沉着的爸爸也一反常态，看着我的眼睛告诉我他有多着急多心痛。


恨自己让我爱的，爱我的人担忧心痛。


惨痛的教训。23岁的人了，就不能像个正常女生亭亭玉立，成熟稳重些。今年的生日很难忘。给自己留下了疤痕当礼物。如此天兵个性可能是上天赐给我的礼物，从事发当晚到现在快要三个礼拜，我一次都没担心过【以后】这个深奥课题，船到桥头自然直吧。这个社会是视觉系，我就快毕业要找份工，到时可能动动微整形小手术又如何。况且我也不在意别人怎么看我，虽然破相了但，爱我的人依然爱我。嗯……给他们添了不少担忧烦恼就是。唉，内疚。

这次就当做是一个考验。以前读到Nick Vujicic相关文章就有幻想过，我那么“过分”开朗的性格，如果有天真的遇上了什么（touchwood）意外，断手断脚还会不会如此看得开？虽然我现在经历的小意外可能只算小菜一碟，不过心态上还算很开朗就是了。不枉被冠上小太阳之正能量使者称号。

事发晚上 

（警告：以下图片可能造成不适）

缝了4针的小腿

缝了七针

以为这算很肿了

隔天直接觉得自己的嘴唇是香肠

隔天

戴上口罩继续趴趴走

拜托了爸妈才勉强说服他们不取消行程

好庆幸缝针到拆线到现在

全程都不觉得痛

只是刚开始走路有点不方便

谢谢爸爸妈妈

对不起我爱你

拆线后的第12天

昨天

好在front camera没有很清楚

加上两位美女为我分散注意力

嗯……

现在就这样

这三个星期是一场好真实的梦。我不称它为恶梦，但梦醒了还是要面对现实。目前复原情况还算良好，每天都定时擦药，也戒口了【但没瘦】，希望接下来几个月能够尽快康复。不期望能够完全不留疤，可是hope for the best。

之后几个星期到几个月，可能都要这样拍照了。哈！

角度灯光主宰一切啊！

人没事就好。

做孩子的真的要把自己照顾好，才是对爸妈最大的回报。

往斯文淑女方向迈进。

生活还是很美好。

仪

【隔夜文】

就像昨天吃不完的菜留着今天吃
人称
【隔夜菜】

昨晚半夜写不完的文
现在继续写
我称
【隔夜文】

【题外话】
只睡了三四个小时
之后马上就来个两小时的羽球
我就快累疯了
右手也使不上什么力
部落格是真的有在用生命经营的
额
哈哈
纯粹就想要完成这篇文


*****
从昨晚01.11开始：

房里的书桌被老妹霸占
只好可怜地把电脑枕在床上打这篇文
冷风直吹我的双手
冻的有点僵了
【嗯 有人说过我的手不是纤纤玉手 所以怎么着都没关系 TT】


仨人过了很漫长又蛮有意义的一天
她们说想看我的部落格
善良的我选择圆了她们的梦
哈

Greenet @ Pelangi

是个环境好气氛佳的餐厅

只是避免大热天去吧

没filter

完全是玻璃屋透光的关系

好热


但另一只手来看
【on the other hand的翻译 强吧】
自然采光好漂亮


有个会拍照的朋友真好
我说你们要惜福
【嘿】

【转站：好久不见别来无恙的Roost】

近来为感情事伤脑筋
正确说来其实也不关我的事
我承认
我这个人确实比较容易抽离自己
平时若事不关己
我通常都不会插上一脚

但是
朋友事就是我的事！！！


这句话我绝对不会说

但是x2
这年头发生的事情太多
逼得我非得出场平息动乱

【唉 我克制不住写笑（废）话的那股冲动 嗯 认真】


所以
妈妈说这年纪谈恋爱是自找麻烦
其实我不全然反对她的说法
学业是麻烦
金钱是麻烦
接着
矛盾是麻烦
摩擦是麻烦
冷战是麻烦
争吵是麻烦
姑且放着对彼此的疼爱包容不管
整段感情充斥的
都是零零碎碎的麻烦

但是
遇上了能怎么办呢
不再是一个人的一对人

如何去互相配合互相体谅

是麻烦
如何去遵守适应彼此的经营守则作业程序
是麻烦

你能说它们是甜蜜的负担
日积月累下来
身边的朋友告诉我
这些小东西绝对不能小看


或许身边朋友都属于爱情长跑健将
短则三五年
长则七八年
经历的风风雨雨其多
我不能一一道尽
虽然身不在其中
但是歌曲听多了会朗朗上口
故事听多了也会颇有感触
忍不住地
脚还是踩进她们的鞋里看看适不适合自己
【嗯 没错 就是 put yourself in someone else's shoes的翻译】


以下是小女弱弱的看法

我常说人是相互的
你来我往
你进我退
当少了一个人的努力
另一个人的心血只是徒劳

当
你自觉一味地付出
有想过对方也努力尝试把最好的自己呈献给你

当
你自觉受尽委屈
有想过对方为你拉下面子先认错讨你欢心

男生常认为女生
很复杂
想太多
其实怪不了他们
很多时候也不是他们的错

我们总是期望
他能读懂我给的暗示
但是看了Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
从书名就知道
男女分别来自不同的星球
说着不同的语言
所以
他们是连明示都未必知道的外星人

【no offence. 如果你不是 那我只能说你的（或未来的）女朋友很幸运】


唉
泡在感情问题中
我的正能量好像不能发挥作用
搞得自己也愁云惨雾一片
所以说
两个人的事
外人也帮不上忙


管它小三是
人还是鬼
时间或距离
出现小三的感情
旁人是给不了什么有用的意见
解铃还须系铃人



朋友就是
心情好时手牵着手
心情不好时手握着手
的存在

牵着的是开心回忆
握着的是怜悯疼惜


有时
婆婆妈妈的唠叨
有时
爱理不理的态度
这才是我们的作风
虽然在一起就斗嘴玩闹
分开也各自精彩
但是心依然是系着彼此的


我很认同这句话
当下的一个念头或想法
可以决定或改变很多事情
【你说的】

未来或许还太遥远
我承认我蛮逊的
对未来没什么计划
只想活在当下
即将面对的困难在我看来
不过是一堆未知数
既然不能预知
那为什么要让自己烦恼那么多
船到桥头自然直
豆浆油条简简单单
这是自己目前秉持的信念

人啊
总是有很多理由说服自己的执迷不悟
谁都一样
没例外

我很少在部落格触碰自己心里那块保护区
可是
这回我想要纪念这个想法
可能若干年后回头看
我对自己的人生又有不同的见解

【也可能明天又推翻了自己 善变的人类】


不管友情爱情
当你在一段感情中纠结徘徊时
问问自己这问题

说到底
你有多珍惜这段感情

说到底
你是否舍得放下你们的曾经



仪


【地点】
1. Greenet Bar & Restaurant @ Pelangi, Jalan Maju Jaya
2. Roost Juice & Bar @ Jalan Dhoby (Near CS)