Promise

I'm sorry I turned you guys down. I'm not good at rejecting people and I don't like to do so.

I feel so bad to turn people down. especially this time because CNYE is the only remaining event which I wanted to get involved so badly.

I know it must be damn fun to work with you guys

and I also aware of something: IF i didn't join 14th CNYE, not to mention the coming 15th.



call me perfectionist or what,

If I wanted to do something soooo badly, I wish I can make it perfect.

People do hope they can get others' recognition and praise, that's certainly true.

But if I couldn't reach the satisfaction I looked for

how could I persuade others to believe my ability?



During foundation, we had more time to prepare for the exam because we had only 3 or 4 main subjects for one semester. But now we have to deal with 5 important subjects all at once.

During foundation, I could score quite well even if I prepared lastminutely. But now I guess I'd die perfectly straight if I really did.

During foundation, I could tell my parents to trust me that I could score well in the exam and did well for the events. But now I hardly say even an 'I'm doing okay' to them.



Degree life is much tougher than foundation's.

we have to deal almost everything on our own.

the syllabus is n times harder.

I should have expected all these....
(and now I do respect all my engineering seniors!!)

I used to make sure everything's under control, BUT not for this time.

I hardly felt the anxiety and pressure during the past BUT now I do.




I know me.

I certainly know that now I can't handle both sides well.

I'd ruin either side. Or even worse, both.

Studies comes first. This is what I always remind myself.



I was having a struggling night yesterday.

I was upset because of the assignments (spent 5 hours but came out with nothing!)

and I did make a deep consideration whether or not to join CNYE.

ultimately, I still remained my answer unchanged.



For this time, my heart says yes, but my mind tells me no.

for sake of everybody and the whole world, I better don't.

I can't afford to lose the bet.

The promise I made to myself.


xo
SzeEe